I took my boys to see Battle Los Angeles, thinking okay, ‘the girls go get their hair done and the boys go see the big bad alien invasion flick’.  It was big and it was bad and that is about it.  Aaron Eckhart (The Dark Knight, Thank You for Smoking) stars as retiring Marine SSgt. Michael Nantz.  He’s usually pretty solid, but even Two-Face can’t save this one.  Sadly I had this movie on my “5 Spring Movies You Have to See” list.  Whoops.

Nantz apparently has no family or friends, so there is no reason ever to care for him.  There are other marines introduced as aliens are invading earth in the form of an apparent meteor shower.  Most of the really cool invasion stuff is shown via news broadcast and never lets you truly get the impact of these ships showing up.  It gives a feel of reality yes, but also made me think maybe I wasted my money paying to see it on a big digital screen when it’s going to look like it’s on TV anyway.

The plot is simple.  Aliens show up and everyone freaks out.  We never get any shock or awe from anyone.  Just panic.  So, you never really get any emotional impact from anyone.  SSgt. Nantz is assigned to a unit led by 2nd Lt. Martinez, played by Ramon Rodriguez (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, the upcoming Charlie’s Angels tv series), who thinks he’s in control but soon realizes training is a lot different from real battle, especially when they are fighting aliens.  Michelle Rodriguez (Anna Lucia from Lost) shows up and plays the same character she plays in everything else.

So, the aliens want our water and they are totally dominating all over the world.  Thank God, they don’t want our oil, gas is expensive enough as it is.  Nantz and Martinez have to lead a squad into the city and secure any civilians and get to a rendezvous.  Along the way they encounter the alien foot soldiers and learn how to take out the alien scum bags.  I won’t ruin what little plot there is.

The movie never lets you identify with any of the characters, who are spewing awfully written dialogue that is ripped out of every other cliched war movie ever made.  The action is boring because you can barely tell what is going on.  I’m fine with the shaky cams when its done right and serves a purpose.  Here it just disguises the lack of ability to direct a simple shoot out and how bad the aliens look up close.  When guys die, you won’t care because there is never any connection.  They try all the tricks though and none of them work.

“Battle: LA” tries to be “Black Hawk Down” and wastes some cool concepts.  Really, though, it will just make you wish if they insist on making this crap, they would just make Independence Day 2.

4/10

-t.b.e.