t’s a terribly disappointing moment when you are watching a movie directed by a very good director with very likable actors and you realize the movie is terrible. It’s even worse when you can’t quite pinpoint what is the downfall of the movie. Unfortunately that’s where I was with “How Do You Know”. The movie is directed by James L. Brooks, who directed the excellent “As Good as it Gets” and the even better “Broadcast News”. It stars Kansas City boy Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson and Jack Nicholson. Between the director and the actors it sounds like a can’t miss hit….but it’s not– at least I don’t think it is. Continue reading ‘How Do You Know’ …when you have a bad movie? — movie review
Category Archives: Movies
‘Lakeview Terrace’ (2008) — movie review
Who’s in it?: Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction, Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith), Patrick Wilson (Watchmen, The A-Team-2010)
Samuel Fucking Jackson. Look mother fucker, we gotta talk buddy. I’m just gonna lay it out there buddy– flat out did not like this fucking movie at all. I will be honest, I really didn’t think I would like it going in so it was all uphill fucking battle from there–or is it down hill?
SLJ plays Abel. Abel is a cop in the toughest streets in L.A. but he raises his kids in the nice, respectable neighborhood of Lakeview Terrace. Then his new neighbors move in and they’re…gasp…an interracial couple. Oh no!! Not in Samuel Jackson’s mother fucking neighborhood. So brother goes off and starts acting crazy and starting shit with the new neighbors. Tension rises, tempers flare and a lot of corny, stupid, cliche shit gets thrown all over the screen, but the point is, as the point ALWAYS is: You Don’t. Fuck. With. Samuel L. Jackson. Ever.
Even so, this is boring. Sam gets all wide eyed and acts intense and the Owl guy from Watchmen just puts up cuz he has to deal with his wife’s un-approving father, who thinks his daughter could do better. Eventually the shit hits the fan, but by then you won’t care.
Now, back to you, Sammy. I love you brother but this shit is getting out of control. After that one movie that came out this year..oh yeah, The Spirit; you need to start reading scripts, dude, seriously. I know the idea of playing a bad guy was tempting but this was not the move. If you wanna play a bad guy, get fucking Tarantino off whatever wacky fucking drugs he’s on and tell him to write something good. Actually, you should tell him to get off that shit no matter what, because the last couple outings for that dude have been pretty long fucking winded.
This movie builds up a lot of tension and tries to really stir the racial issue but it’s un-interesting, over-written and a real waste of time. Boo.
3/10
Would I recommend this movie?: I can not.
‘Sex Drive’ (2008) — movie review
Who’s in it?: James Marsden (X-Men, Enchanted), Seth Green (Can’t Buy Me Love, Robot Chicken), Clarke Duke (Hot Tub Time Machine, Kick-Ass), Josh Zuckerman
Dammit man, this is about the time when I started thinking, “This is going to be a painful 100 fucking movies.”…and it was only 16 flicks in. I would go on to to see some good flicks in this time. This however was not one of them. Let me first clear the air and tell you, apparently, this movie is based on a book. Before you get excited with thoughts of, “Oh, how exciting. I love when my favorite literature is adapted into a cinematic film…”, cool your jets, because you’d be in for some serious fucking disappointment.
Fucking American Pie. Ever since that fucking movie, there have been a billion copy cats. Add Sex Drive to the list. And it is what it is. A road trip movie and a quest for sex. It’s right there in the title. It’s your typical love story: boy meets girl on internet. Boy is virgin. Boy want make sex to pretty girl. So boy steal douche bag brother’s car and sets out with friends to meet some hot chick…and do it to her. Along way boy find true love has been with all along. It’s fucking Shakespeare.
Unfortunately boy and friends resort to dumb ass cliched humor mainly consisting of ongoing gay jokes. Real fucking clever. Way to go dip shits, except this movie has been made a thousand other times, and much better. Actually, the real problem is this movie and movies like it– aren’t made for dudes like me anymore. I’m way too old and jaded to be able to relate to a bunch of dumb ass teenagers running around like fuck-tards trying to get their noodles wet.
4/10
Would I recommend this movie?: Maybe if you’re 12, but if you’re 12 you shouldn’t be watching movies like this. Shame on you. In fact, if you’re 12, you shouldn’t be here. Get the fuck out of here. Pass on this one.